Tuesday, June 9, 2015

When Your Partner Doesn't Get It

or,...When Your Partner is a Poopyhead.

Some days, I just can't get much done.  Other days, despite what I see as my limitations, it seems like the sky is the limit.  I can get more done than I did the previous week!  And on those days, I'm proud of myself.  When my hubby comes home, I want to yell, "LOOK!  Look what I did!  I did that!  And that!  And that!  Isn't that awesome?!"

But I don't.  And so many times, the poor guy comes home and gets it all wrong.  On days I don't get much done, I do dishes.  That's about it.  I try to have the dishes done and dinner cooking.  This, apparently, is enough for him to determine that I had, indeed, a productive day.  On the other hand, when I get a lot of shit done, I don't have time or energy for dishes.  Are you out of your mind?  I painted the stairs, helped kids with schoolwork (okay, cajoled them into doing schoolwork), did two loads of laundry, changed that cat litter and ran people all over creation to various activities.  Dishes?  He comes home, and there are dishes in the sink.  Crap spread all over the living room. And, I'm tired.  Suddenly, he becomes a Poopyhead.

Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the guy.  He works hard, and comes home to a house that looks like,... like,... well, like people have been doing stuff and didn't pick up after themselves.  And sometimes that's all it really is.  Other times, projects are going on that necessitate the mess.  It's messessary.  The problem is that it is MY problem.  Not OUR problem, not the kids' problem, but MINE.  And I can only do so much, as we've previously determined.

What I need, and what we need, being in similar boats, is a partner who is willing to take on part of the "pick up your shit" part of the parenting.  Not the angry, last-straw sort of deal, but the 'okay, it's really time to do this' sort of thing.  The idea is to get to the point where these kids take care of their own shit at some point.  We're not there yet, but we're trying for it.  I doubt we'll get there, but at least there is the credit for trying, right?

Is your partner supportive?  Combative?  A poopyhead?  All those things?  We all have bad days, even hubbies.  Let's try to celebrate those days where the world is beautiful, and let the rest go.  Why is it so hard to let go?

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

What ELSE can go wrong?

So I posted yesterday morning for the first time after a long hiatus.  Then the world went insane.  Not for the blog, but everything else.  Super highs (asked to write an article for an art magazine!  Society6 including two of my works in their store!  Shameless plug: society6.com/jowoso) to super lows.  The lows being an emergency vet visit for two animals, one of which is our beloved dog, Simon, who is almost 12.  Going to the vet was bad enough, but Simon is having liver problems, not the Lyme disease I suspected.  We're talking major care issues that will probably not end well.

All this to say that after all that, and after watching CNN student news (excellent resource, btw) and doing spelling, the kids took on their math themselves, and I went food shopping in the evening.  I don't know if it was the fibro or if anyone would feel this way, but I was in the store in a daze trying to think of what we needed.  And I stopped at one point.

Was I being fair?  Fair to myself in this moment?  After such a day, shouldn't I let myself of  the hook just a little?  So next time you are feeling overwhelmed, take a moment.  Take a breath.  Then take stock.  Are you legitimately dealing with a hard day?  Do you need to cut yourself some slack?  Just get the milk and eggs, and remember that tomorrow is another day.  Sometimes the bigger details can wait.

Monday, September 1, 2014

It's been quite a while since I posted on this blog.  Yet, I still see some people checking in.  I can only assume that this means there are a fair number of people looking for support in homeschooling with Fibromyalgia.

It is not an easy thing to do.  There is constant worry, and that has only increased since we've hit the teen years.  On the other hand, our area seems to be rife with opportunities for teens to do things outside the home, and that is our mainstay.  And if there isn't that sort of opportunity, you may have to make it yourself.  When we got to the tweens, there weren't many things for that age group.  I actually approached our librarian and asked her to start a tween program.  I made suggestions, like Reader's Theater, and she ran with it.  Three years later, she's coming up with all kinds of programs for tweens on her own that the kids love.  Don't be afraid to engage the librarians!  In our area, we have many smaller libraries, so if one doesn't suit our needs, we can go to another quite easily.

Facebook has been an invaluable resource.  I can find out everything that is going on without having to spend time on the phone or looking at multiple resources.  I also connect to other parents, get suggestions for things like Homeschooling with Tedtalks, or with Netflix, as well as my local homeschool groups.

These things in themselves help me to be more effective, and use my energy more wisely and where it's needed more.  That's the main trick, is to find where you can divvy out the energy-sapping activities, and keep your own energy for those things you deem most important.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Special Holiday issues

The holidays are always stressful.  Christmas, Thanksgiving, and, now, Easter.  Most of the problem I have with it is organizational.  I can see how many people with Fibro would have trouble with the actual work of the holidays; the cooking and cleaning and such.  I don't have too much trouble doing the work, I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing when. 
My head is not organized enough to sort things out and see what needs to be done.  I spent two hours today getting everything I need to make 5 Easter baskets because I didn't have it together enough earlier to think of what I needed. 
I did do one smart thing, however.  I am making a dessert that I was warned not to make, as it is tricky.  What I have found, however, is that if I do one step at a time, it's actually pretty easy (at least so far, I'm not done yet.  Maybe I'm speaking too soon!).  The dessert is little cake pops.  I'm making little chicks, and we'll see how complicated they are when I get to the finishing stage.  Yesterday, I made the cake, let it cool, and put it in the fridge.  Later in the day, I crumbled it all up very fine.  Done for the day.  Day two, today, I mixed in a bunch of frosting, and made little balls out of them, then wrapped them in a baking tray and stuck it in the fridge.  Done for today.  Tomorrow morning, I'll melt the candy coating and dip them, then decorate them in the late afternoon.  How I managed to plan this out, I don't know when the rest of my planning is a mess! 
Maybe the trick is to take all aspects of the holidays the same way.  Small steps that come together into something really special.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

ADD connection

I was asked an interesting question today.  Is there a connection between a parent having Fibromyalgia and a child having ADD?  I don't know the answer to that.  But I am curious.  I'm setting up a poll, and what I want to know is; if you have Fibro, do you have a child with ADD or an ADD-like issue?  I'm going to leave this up for a while as I know traffic is low, but I'll post the results in the future...

Friday, February 25, 2011

Outnumbered and Overpowered

That's how I'm feeling these days.  After all, I do have two kids and there's only one of me, so that's not so unreasonable.  The problem isn't the 'outnumbered' so much as it is the 'overpowered'.  Lately the kids' idea of a good time is to distract me into playing with them in a roughhousing sort of way.  I remember doing that with my parents growing up, and I find it kind of nostalgic. 
The problem is that it's killing me.  First, part of why they do it is to put off doing schoolwork.  Second, I forget that I can't do certain things, and next thing I know, I have sore hips, sore knees, and odd pains in my arms.  Doesn't leave much that isn't hurting! 
While I don't let the kids go so far as to miss their schoolwork, I do play with them almost every day.  I'm sometimes tempted to tell them I just can't play that way.  Maybe that's what I should do, but I just can't get past the nostalgia aspect.  After all, how long can this phase of their growing up last?  They're already 10, and going to hit their teens pretty soon!  And, if the doctors are right, fibro won't get any worse, right?  So, if I have some hip pain, so what?  So I gimp when I get up and look like I just got off a horse when I walk.  The next generation must have its memories!  Right?  Sigh...ow...

Friday, January 21, 2011

Doling out the responsibilities, or How do I do all this?

The holidays play havoc with my plans.  What generally ends up happening is that instead of assigning tasks and doing what I'm supposed to do (that is, accepting the job done as long as it's truly attempted), I end up just doing everything myself.

Now that we are past the holidays, it's time to readjust the schedule of who does what.  What I did was pick out one of the jobs that seems to take up a lot of my time, and doled it out.  Luke puts away the dishes and Emily does the dirty ones.  When they turn ten, we're going to try the laundry route as well.  This isn't because I'm a mean mom, it's because we've changed around some of the resposibilities in the house to make it work for us.

Part of that revolves around the fact that the kids are unwilling, as most are, to clean their rooms.  Most parents have them do it anyway, and recently I heard how one parent does get her kids to do so by taking whatever is left on the floor at the end of the day.  Seems like it would work, so I may try that in the future, but for now, once their rooms are out of control, it's my job to fix it.  So, I barter.  They not only do dishes, but fold laundry, vacuum and sweep, and dust as well. 

By taking a non-traditional route, I circumvent a recurring argument about the room cleaning, and peace reigns.  Not only that, but other work gets done that I would otherwise have to do.  I know that they will eventually have to clean their rooms themselves.  I don't think I'm setting them up for disaster, however, since they aren't getting 'off the hook', so to speak, but gaining different sets of responsibilities.  These are responsibilities that they know they've chosen over one they don't prefer, so often they are done more cheerfully.  And if I can make it go smoother, I can save the arguing for math lessons.